


my back is plenty strong

by pesha



Category: Winter's Bone (2010)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 23:56:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pesha/pseuds/pesha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ree can carry the weight of the world on her back. She's a Dolly and Dollys find a way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my back is plenty strong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [presentpathos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/presentpathos/gifts).



Spring don't come to the Ozarks; autumn neither, not really. It was always either hot as the fires of Hell and damnation or cold as the deepest depths of the oceans. Usually it seemed as if the cold was what lingered all the year round with the feeling of winter wearing people down to their bones. Ree Dolly knew more than a thing or two about bones after that business with her daddy.

That wasn't the kind of thing people talked about though.

Her and that Gail? Floyd's wife? That was the kind of thing people talked over when it was too cold out of doors to find work to keep their minds occupied and their mouths too busy gritting their teeth to have time flapping their gums. Where they lived, people had plenty to say about things that weren't none of their business if they were given enough time to speculate. Ree had learned that kind of speculation was bad for everyone, but she didn't have it in her to care. She spent too much of her time simply trying to find a way to bear up the weight on her back –her sick mama, Sonny and Ashlee, and even Gail and Ned- to care that people were speculating over what happened to be truth.

"You know you're liable to get sent over to one of those deserts? They say it's 110 degrees every day with not a lick of shade in sight."

Ree set her jaw as she continued unpacking the groceries. They'd picked up a handful of things –necessities as usual- since they'd had no choice but to and it had led to some talk starting at the checkout. It had Gail set in though which meant she'd likely have no choice but to respond.

"Good," Ree finally allowed, "I like the feeling of sun on my face."

Gail banged a can of sweet potatoes on the counter with a crack loud enough to have Ree's mama blinking. Ree paused in unpacking to look at her, but Gail had that mulish set to her face that meant she was in for it no matter what she tried to pull. It was always hard to pull anything over on a body that'd known her since she was a person. They really had known one another that long, too. From childhood all the way to now, Gail had been one of the only constants in Ree's life.

"You know you can die over there?"

She moved around Gail to start putting the canned food up into the cabinet. It was easier for her to reach than Gail though the difference in their height wasn't as big as it seemed. Ree had always had a hard time connecting the reality of Gail's body to Gail herself. Her friend had a personality that went on for miles and a stubborn streak that stretched on a few more further than that even; it seemed unrealistic to her that all that could be packaged into her tiny frame.

"I know I can die just fine here, too, but it'd be without the forty thousand dollars they're promising me for the privilege."

Things happened fast when Gail was in a fit. She clattered the last of their purchases onto the counter all at once before grabbing Ree by the arm to turn her around. They stared at one another in a silent contest of wills while Ree's mama kept right on blinking behind them.

" _Die_. You could **die** there."

Ree nodded at her, traced the shape of her face with her eyes as she tried to commit it to memory as it was in that moment precisely, "Everyone dies somewhere. I don't reckon the where will matter all that much when my time comes."

"You wouldn't care that you were all that world away from me? Or---or the kids and your mama?"

She watched as Gail's eyes dropped to the floor. That wouldn’t have happened before Floyd. He'd done that to her. Made her cautious. Careful with her words even when she had her stubborn set in.

That was one of the many things that Ree Dolly wished she could have taken Floyd to task for –sapping away some of Gail's fire- but that wasn’t her place. She knew that better than most. People talked about her for being unaware of the rules of things, the way things were rightly done and all that, but Ree knew enough. She knew more than she'd ever let on anyway.

Ree looked at her mama whose eyes were as far away as ever.

"I don't think either one of us believes my mama being there would make a difference in the world and those kids would do better to never see a body die in front of them. You though? You saying you'd want to be there with me, Gail? Hold my hand?"

Stonefaced. That was something that the Dollys all had to their credit. Ree could keep her face still even when she was crying, dying, or screaming on the inside. It was a mark to how well Gail knew her that she started smiling herself in reaction. Her lips were curving up on the sides in that sly, flirty way that she had mastered when her chest started to fill out and the boys had started to take notice of more than her wild hair.

"I might. I'm not sure that I'd be willing to make that kind of commitment when you're offering to skip out on me first chance you get. What am I going to do when it really starts to get cold around here again? You really think Sonny can get out there to chop the wood we need?"

That startled Ree enough to react herself, "Why can't you do it? You're less likely to take a hand off with that saw than he is and you've got twenty pounds on him besides."

Gail snorted, "I swear you ought've been born a boy, Ree Dolly. You should know better than to talk about a woman's weight."

"That don't have a thing to do with why you need a boy to chop your firewood."

They stared at one another for a moment, Gail with her secretive smile and Ree with her emotions all tucked inside. Gail hopped onto the counter to sit there, leaning forward as she watched Ree for something that Ree wasn't sure she could give her. She didn't get what they were even talking about anymore. The Army was offering money that they'd need to get by and Ree was going to get them by one way or the other. If it weren't for Gail moving in to help out, it wouldn't even be a possibility for her, but Gail was there and Ree knew Gail could handle anything she herself could. They were made of stern stuff, the two of them.

"It's man's work. Ree, I swear, don't you ever wish you had men to do this for you?"

Ree hadn't actually wished for that. Teardrop had stepped up when she'd needed him; he'd been the first man to come in to do absolute right by them. They got on without a man. She hadn't really thought about it and shook her head no to say so.

The expression on Gail's face was softer, tender almost. It made the sharp angles of her jaw less pronounced and emphasized the brightness of her eyes. Ree thought it was possible she'd only ever seen that look on Gail's face when she was looking at Ned.

"You know, sweet pea, I think God did wrong by you, making you a woman. You're better than any man I know. All of them combined even. I can't imagine how you can say you're fine dying out in some desert because you're worried about all these people who shouldn't even be yours to stand accountable for."

Her brows drew together as she responded, "I reckon you've gone mighty high on yourself to think you can put down God. As I see it, He don't make mistakes, much less on making me a woman. You think on what I'd have been like if I was a man. Think on it, Gail, and tell me how we'd even have been friends."

"What do you mean? We'd have been friends. Of course we would've."

"Oh? How's that? Your people got some claim to the Dollys I don't know about? Really, Gail. Think it through. If I was a boy, I'd have had to walk the line like my daddy, like Teardrop. That would've meant I couldn't talk to you unless your people had settled in with us of you'd have taken a shine to me. You know that wouldn't have been the case. You were always too quiet around men from my side of things and I'd have wound up falling in with one of Thump's granddaughters since they're always spreading their legs for anything to stick it in, relying on Thump to keep people from talking about it and to get them out of trouble if they wind up carrying. It would've made sense."

Gail's eyes were wide and she was smiling different when Ree was done talking. Ree never talked much except when she was with Gail and it seemed like Gail set her to talking all the time. They whiled away too many hours talking if anyone was asked.

"Do me then!"

"Do you what?"

"What if I was a boy? What would've happened then? You think we'd have wound up knowing each other then? I think we would've. You'd have been the kind of girl I would want."

Ree wanted to ask what she meant by that, what kind of girl did Gail see her to be, but those weren't the kinds of things she should ask. She had learned that it was best to be careful. Even if no one was listening, that didn't matter. Words still had power, no matter that no one but the two of them were there to hear. She decided to answer instead, speculate on like one of the gossips at the store.

"You might've asked after me. I think I'd have let you even though we'd have been a sight."

Gail leaned back, kicked her feet into the cabinets as she laughed, "Oh, we would've been? How's that?"

She moved to lean her hip on the counter beside Gail as she answered, "Well, your people's men aren't big, are they? I imagine even as a boy, I'd have stood an inch or so higher. We would have been pretty funny to see at the dances. Can't you see me laughing as I hunkered down to lean my head on your shoulder?"

"We're plenty big where it counts. Who's to say that you weren't laughing because I kept you that satisfied?"

Ree stilled as she considered that possibility. That was a Hell of a thing to think about.

Tracing a burn on the counter, Ree said, "I could see that. I've always been happiest with you. You know that. I'd do anything for you, Gail."

Anything including taking her in when she'd finally had to leave her husband with nowhere to go with that baby boy of hers. Anything including walking with her head held high even when people speculated something awful about her for agreeing to it. Anything including going straight into the Army on a five year deal to make sure that she and her baby boy were kept fed well and safe with Ree's own family.

Ree had never wanted anything more than to be able to take care of her own. She'd been raised up to know that there was nothing more important than family; blood was thicker than anything else under the sun and there wasn't enough money on the Earth to buy out blood. It had never felt to her that Gail was anything other than blood. Gail had been a part of her for so long that when she married Floyd, Ree had felt the loss of her like the ache of a phantom limb, hacked off in some accident she couldn't recall having.

She started as Gail laid her hand over Ree's own. They didn't hold hands anymore. It was something that was outside the realm of acceptability, not a part of the right way of things. Her hand was slimmer than Ree remembered; the bones felt fragile and delicate, impossibly close to the surface as her fingers closed over Ree's in a fierce clasp.

"Oh sweet pea, you carry too much on that back of yours. The weight of us all is going to crash down on you some day. It scares me worse than anything to think that we might break you."

Ree turned her hand over in Gail's to press their palms together. It felt different from holding hands with one of the kids. It was a whole world of different from the last time she and Gail had held hands when they were girls or when they were hurting. This was another kind of hand-holding entirely; Ree wasn't sure how it was even allowed that they do it, but she wasn't going to let go until Gail did. That was a sure fact.

"Don't you worry about that. My back is plenty strong."

She found herself leaning in to Gail and Gail was leaning back. The hard plane of Gail's forehead pressed into Ree's and they shared breath for a time. It was more intimate than Ree would have ever guessed.

Gail's voice came quiet out of her mouth and it was again different on a whole other level to watch her lips move from right up close.

"You don't get tired of having the weight of me on there?"

"I like the weight of you on my back."

Her lips were close enough to brush Ree's as she asked, "Is that what you like then? The feel of me on your back?"

Ree tilted her face and suddenly they were kissing. Their mouths were touching everywhere and they were _kissing_. She hadn't ever gone so far over the edge of what was the right way of things before, not even when she went to ask dangerous men where her father could be found, not even when she'd presented his dead hands as trophies to the sheriff. Ree had never done anything this far off what she was supposed to do, yet she'd never felt as right about anything in her life.

Gail moved back and Ree let her. She let her because she hadn't lost her mind. She might have _felt_ as if she'd lost her mind, but she hadn't done it yet.

"I don't care that you weren't born a man, Ree Dolly. You're better than any husband any woman could ever have and I'll fight to the death anyone who'd say different."

Her lips were numb as she tried to respond, "You saying we're as good as married now?"

"Do you really need me to say as much?"

Ree shook her head no again because she didn't, she didn't need those words. They had plenty to say to one another without words when the sun had hid its face and the cold night was trying to creep its way into the marrow of their bones. She hadn't speculated on whether they would ever get to where they seemed to be right now, but even so, Ree didn't need the words.

"I'm going to need you to show me how to use that saw again, sweet pea. I don't reckon I can keep this place heated through the winter without you if I can't saw my own wood, now can I?"

She rolled her hip over Gail's leg to settle between her thighs. They both moved to wrap their arms around one another at the same time and it was the first time in so long since Ree had been held. Gail felt small in her arms, frail, but the strength of her hold made her seem invincible and made Ree feel ten times her own size because she thought she could feel the belief in Gail's hold. It was humbling to think that she might mean that much to Gail; Gail had always meant that much to her.

"I love you, sweet pea. Don't you forget me in that desert, you hear? I'll be here. Keeping the fires warm for you at home."

Ree clung to her tighter, trying to memorize the shape of Gail in her arms, "I won't be able to forget you there. I love you and I'll have you there with me, right there with me every step of the way."

"Weighing you down on your back?" Gail whispered against Ree's ear.

Ree's eyes closed as she answered her, "Filling me up as the very blood in my veins so I can feel you with every beat of my heart."

She wondered if she'd wind up wishing for the cold of the winter when she was burning in that desert, if she'd even see that desert they talked about, but it wouldn't matter. All that would matter to Ree was that she was doing it, she was carrying her kin and her Gail and even little Ned. Dollys didn't run. They found a way; Ree was feeling for the first time in too long a time that she might have finally found hers.


End file.
